Parakeet Budgie Riddles and Jokes

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No-one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a budgie, who pipes up again

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

"So what", says the burglar, "You're only a budgie!"

To which the budgie replies "Maybe, but Jesus is a Rottweiler!"

Jimmy-Joe went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said Jimmy-Joe, who paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off.

He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

A man who had recently bought a female parakeet with a salty vocabulary got a call from his minister telling him that he was planning to stop by the following week. Worried about the bird's language, he called a friend who had two well-behaved male birds. One recited the Lord's Prayer, while the other held a rosary in its claws and repeated Hail Marys. "Would it be okay if I brought my bird over for a few days?" he asked. "Maybe it will pick up some good habits from yours." The friend agreed, so the man took his female parakeet over and put her in the cage next to that of the two devout males.

Suddenly, the first male parakeet stopped praying and turned to the other. "You can knock it off now," he said. "We got what we were praying for."

A Quote from Seinfeld -

I had a parakeet that used to fly around the house and crash into these huge mirrors my mother put in. Ever heard of this interior design principle, that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy that looks just like me in there." But the parakeet would fall for this. I'd let him out of his cage, he'd fly right into the mirror. And I'd always think, "Even if he thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting the other parakeet?"

From "101 Ways to Annoy People" -

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

A man was given a parakeet as a pet - but discovered the parakeet loved to swear. The man tried everything he could think of, and the bird just swore even worse. Finally, the man threatened to put the bird in the freezer for 10 minutes if it did not clean up its act. The parakeet swore up a furious storm.

So the man grabbed the parakeet and put him in the freezer. At first, the parakeet could be heard swearing its most loudest streak ever - but then suddenly there was silence. Concerned, the man opened the freezer door, and the parakeet stepped out quietly. The keet said, "I am ever so sorry for bothering you with my language, and I promise never to do it again. If I may ask, what did the turkey do?"

Sister: "Mom and Dad bought me a pet bird."
Brother: "What kind?"
Sister: "A keet."
Brother: "Don't you mean a parakeet?"
Sister: "No, they bought me just one."

Why does a parakeet sit on one leg?
Because if she lifted the other leg up, she'd fall over!

Where does a 500 pound parakeet sit?
Anywhere it wants to!

Which side of a parakeet has the prettiest feathers?
The outside!

Young girl in a pet store: I'd like to buy some parakeet seed, please.
Store clerk: How many parakeets do you have?
Young girl: None, I want to grow some!

What is a parakeet's favorite kind of cookie?
peanut butter chirp!

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